Happy 1st Birthday!

My sweetest Derek,

Lil D, bitty, bitty tiny, bitters, punkin, baby bear, lil bubba, bubs, bubby, Der, Der-bear, punkin doodle, chubby bunny, chubbers...

These are just some of the names that, you, my sweet boy have come to be known by in the last 365 days. I can't believe you are a year old. My last baby, is turning 1 year old.

Not sure when that technical threshold is of when a baby turns into a toddler, but I am certain that you will never elevate above the "my baby" status. EVER! You, Derek, will always be the baby.

You came as such a surprise to all of us. Both in the news we were having another baby, and also in your hurried delivery into this world, oh boy is that a story!!! You are just the right fit and are an amazing blessing to our family.

I love to watch your personality develop everyday. You love your brother and sister so much, and just can't get enough of playing with them. And I think, not 100% sure (*wink), but they completely are devoted to you as well. I have no doubt that you three will be thick as thieves and mom and dad are certainly outnumbered.

That is a challenge we are lovingly taking on each day.

I can't wait to walk through life with you and see the child, boy, teen, and man you become. I know God has wonderful, great, things in store for you.

So please excuse my tears today, for they are tears of joy, I can't believe I have been so blessed to be your mom and I can't imagine what our life would have been like without you. I am so glad God knows what he is doing!

I love you and cherish you every second. Now I must go, for you are calling me from the bedroom...yes, you STILL don't sleep through the night!!!

xoxo

Momma

A Mother's Love

I usually spend my time on here writing about nonsense. My ramblings on about being a mom. About how "hard" it is, about what goes wrong or right in my very own everyday life.

Recenlty, I got back in touch with an old friend from college through Facebook. I love the thing, and I also really hate it at times. This was a good time.

This friend was so much fun, we never got to be very close, she was so full of life, fun and so sincere, I always felt a kindred spirit with her. I firmly believe that in another place, or time we could have, should have been best friends. I was so excited to read about where she's been for the last 7-8 years. What she's done, who's shes married, where they live, how many kids, etc. All the business you can find on Facebook. It didn't take me long to find out two things:

1. My heart was broken over the loss of her sweet sweet baby.
2. What an amazing example of Christianity and motherhood she is and strives to be.

My perceptions on faith, life, love, and loss, were immediatly and profoundly impacted. PROFOUNDLY impacted.

The events of my life pail in comparison, yet I share her grief in a way I could have never imagined.

To any woman who has kids, has had kids, wants to have kids, the loss of a child is unimaginable. To know and to believe that It Was Written, that God's plans for us were laid out long before life took shape, is amazing. Everyday, I read Summer's blog, I feel inspired to be a better mom. To love my kids more than I did yesterday, to love and to TRUST God more that I did yesterday. To have FAITH more that I did yesterday.

I will continue to pray for my dear friend and her family, I will continue to shed tears with her each day, hoping that, if enough of us share her pain, maybe it will lessen for her. But I know it will not, the peace that passes understanding is the only comfort.

Kiss and hug, speak the words you long to. Love your babies, love your kids, love your spouses and your friends with every fiber of your being. Enjoy every argument, tantrum, and every precious moment.

For our plans too have been written.

Up until recently shopping at the Clubs was just too much of an investment for our family. There was no way we would ever get through that much peanut butter or cereal or toothpaste!

Now, it has become a monthly trip for us to stock up on necessities. Every time I'm there I walk past the toiletries aisle and think, "Wow, that's a lot of toothpaste!" I never, ever, buy it. Ha! I'm better off with the single box from Walmart.

Well, I am dumb. I just need to break down and buy the dang 4 pack of toothpaste. If I did I would avoid the anxiety I felt this morning over having no more toothpaste. And the dread of going to Walmart with all the kids in tow for ONE tube of toothpaste.

This morning as I was squeezing the last ounce from the tube I vowed to now be a 4 pack buyer.
Here's to learning the lessons the hard way!

GO BIG OR GO HOME ( or in my case...back to Walmart!)