Am-ne-sia
1. memory loss: loss of memory as a result of shock, injury, psychological disturbance, or medical disorder.
Synonyms: loss of memory, memory loss, forgetfulness, obliviousness, blankness, a total blank.
How am I so quick to forget?
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1
Daily I forget. When life gets messy. Right now, in this moment, I have 2/3 children in their room for losing their tempers and flat out being mean. There is no kindness, no compassion. I have found myself crying out, where is the thanks in this moment!
How can I teach them to overflow with love, how can I watch them turn out this way when the words and actions I have spoken to loved ones in the last 24 hours have been a desert, dry and dusty. Amnesia. A total blank. No joy.
God is speaking directly me so much through reading "1000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp as I mentioned in my previous post. Once again as I picked it up in thirsty desperation, He spoke through the story of Hagar, Genesis 21. Hagar and her son were sent away into the desert, once their supply of food and water were gone, Hagar thought all hope (and joy) was lost. She left him under a bush not wanting to watch him die. She was afraid of the way it would turn out.
But all she had to do was open her eyes to see the well and they were saved.
"Do I really smother my own joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love? That Satan's way is more powerful, more practical, more fulfilling in my daily life than Jesus' way? Why else get angry? Isn't it because I think complaining, exasperation, resentment will pound me up into the full life I really want?" (Voskamp 126)
Open your eyes, when the amnesia hits, just open your eyes. Where there is thanks, there is always a well of joy. Where there is joy there is love, forgiveness, compassion.
Thank you Lord for saving me. For reminding me to look for the well. For waking me up from my amnesia.
Giving thanks is the way to a full life, seeing God in every moment; not just the "good" moments, but the soul searching hard moments. He gives us those too.
I am thankful for this moment to be transparent and vulnerable with you. Now, to go and humble myself and pour out love and compassion to my children and husband.
Eucharisteo.
